


down the wire

by orphan_account



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gen, Social Media
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-19
Updated: 2015-03-19
Packaged: 2018-03-18 13:30:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3571409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fenris never quite forgives Hawke for messing around with blood magic for the Vine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	down the wire

**Author's Note:**

> dedicated to victoria, thank you and damn you

Fenris wakes up to the sound of his phone bonking with what sounds like a hundred notifications, interchanging with the sound of Hawke's ringtone incessantly singing his name. 

Fenris Fenris Fenris Fenris Fenriiiiiiis... pick up Fenris, Fenris Fenris...

Squinting at the screen in the darkness reveals that she's already called him twice. He's also received numerous texts from numerous people, in increasing levels of caps lock. If this is about some kind of last minute late-night party, he's going to have to kill her.

PICK UP Fenris, it's your best friend Hawke, singing you a song... Fenris Fenris Fenris...

She'll just keep calling until he answers. Left with little alternative, he lays down on his back and presses the phone to his ear. "What."

There's an immediate loud crash and bang next to his head, and he winces. A deep voice yells something in the background, and when Hawke answers her voice is breathily quiet. "Fenris! Thank the Maker. Have you seen my Vine account?" 

He's silent for an incredulous second, in which there's another explosive crash, and the deep voice he recognizes this time as Varric yells again. "Did you really call me three times just to tell me about your stupid video app thing."

"Uh, no," she says, with a guilty-sounding laugh. "But. Watching my new one might help explain stuff. Anyway, I really need you to come over, like, right now."

The soft light of his phone tells him it's 1:57 am. "It's literally two in the morning, Hawke." 

"This is an emergency!" she hisses, then her voice ratchets up to its normal volume. "Oh shit, Varric! Hang on-"

The line goes dead. Fenris sighs, and checks his other notifications. 

Hawke: FENRIS

Hawke: where r u??

Hawke: pls bring the cursed blade i gave u

Hawke: i need u to come to my house right now i'm going 2 die probably

Merrill: PLEASE HELP HAWKE AND VARRIC

Isabela: holy shit did u see hawke's new vine i'm screaming

17723838223: this is anders and if they're dead it's not my fault

Vine: new Vine from hawkerocks1!

Given this kind of communication, this probably is an actual emergency. Resignedly, Fenris rolls out of bed slowly, pulls on a shirt, and hooks his blade and sheath to his belt loop. He rolls up his window with one hand, and taps through his phone to Hawke's Vine account with the other.

By the time he's shambled out to his car, the app's loaded up, and the Vine starts to play as he starts the engine. The camerawork's shaky, which means Hawke's filming; the focus is on Varric at the center of Hawke's kitchen, who stands stoutly with one arm extended over an obscured bowl. His other hand holds a knife. 

This is going nowhere good. 

"-pretty fucked up," Varric says apprehensively, frowning at the camera.

Hawke's voice is impatient. "I'm already filming!"

The next four seconds is very rapid, and eventful; Varric slices a sliver of skin beneath his wrist and shakes a few drops of blood into the bowl. Immediately it fizzles, cracks, and emits a cloud of pinkish smoke, which is followed by a much more threatening gutteral hiss. Something very very large and black crawls out of the bowl, and for a flash of a second Fenris can see the baring of bloody fangs from some orifice on its body that might resemble a mouth. Varric shrieks, and the camera shakes vigorously as Hawke's voice mutters, "Oh fuck m-" 

The video cuts out at six seconds, leaving Fenris with only the information that 300,561 people have already viewed this Vine. No one's reported it for inappropriate content yet, and he seriously considers doing it himself before deciding to save their lives first. 

The house is still largely intact by the time he gets there- the surest signs of distress are the visibly ripped curtains inside and a thin layer of smoke rising out of the chimney. Fenris parks his car a safe distance away, unsheathes his blade and circles the house once before creeping in the front door. 

It's eerily quiet- even without demonic presence, the Hawke household is never, ever silent. He closes the door behind him with a muffled click, holding the blade up with his other hand. After waiting in place for about a minute, he decides to just call it out. "Hawke?" 

Immediately, shadowy hellspawn comes screaming out at him from the kitchen- it actually has several fanged orifices that could be called mouths- at terrifying speed. He braces himself and moves forward one pace to meet it, sword-first, in an apparently fleshy point between two fang-holes. 

It shrieks with all mouths, snapping furiously at him, but whatever curse the blade's got, it's potent; after an aggravatingly loud minute, the creature dissipates into black fog, mewling. The dusty black it leaves behind gets all over his pants and hands, and he has a bad feeling it won't wash out well. 

"Fenris!" Arms are suddenly tossed around his neck, and he nearly stabs Hawke too before he realizes it's her. "My hero!"

Over her shoulder, he can see Varric peek out cautiously from behind the living room couch, then give him a wave. "Hey, Fenris." 

"Varric," he responds, stiffness of tons destroyed a little by Hawke still hugging him with what he suspects might be all her strength. "Get off me. I saw your video."

She gives him a final squeeze before letting him go, twisting her fingers and avoiding his gaze. "Ha ha. Well-"

"Blood magic?"

"Listen-"

"Blood magic, Hawke?" 

"I mean, this is barely my fault," she says, and he can't help it if a disbelieving laugh escapes him. "So Anders tagged me in a challenge thing-"

Fenris drops his head into his hands. "No. Stop talking."

"And I would've had it totally under control if Varric had told he'd done blood magic before, because that screwed up the ritual," she continues, ignoring Varric's indignant "hey!" as he clambers over the back of the couch. "So, mostly it's their bad. Anyway, crisis averted, so it's really no using pointing fingers, right?"

When he looks up through the gaps of his fingers, she's still beaming at him resiliently, even if her smile has turned slightly anxious and her fingers have knotted together tightly. There's hellspawn-soot coating her hands, and the ever-present cut above her nose has opened into bleeding again. 

"You're an idiot," he says finally, and she breathes a sigh of relief. "All of you are idiots. Next time I'm going to let whatever hellish thing you summon eat you, and you'll deserve it."

She finishes exhaling, eyes fluttering closed for just a moment, then reopens them and tosses her arms around his neck again. He grunts, in halfhearted protest. "No you won't, because you looooove me." 

"Lies." 

Varric, having conquered the couch, wanders over to Hawke's side, looking disgruntled. He has a four-pronged cut on his forearm that looks suspiciously like claw marks, just beneath the knife-slice below his wrist. "This is cute and all, but I need some medical attention." 

"Gotcha," Hawke says, untangling slightly from Fenris again but not quite releasing him. "Fenris, you wanna crash here? Nobody else's home." 

"I need to head back," he says mechanically, because every time he sleeps over at Hawke's something disastrous happens in the morning. The catastrophes vary, but they're inevitable nonetheless. "Don't try to kill yourself while I'm gone this time, I need to sleep." 

One of her hands releases him, fishing her phone out of her back pocket. "Okay," she says easily, "just let me show everyone I'm alive first," and before he can jerk away, she smushes a kiss to his cheek and snaps a photo at the same time, the other hand still on his shoulder moving up to turn his face towards her. He's only able to catch a glimpse of his own scowling face and the caption 'our savior ;)' before it's snapchatted away to all sixty-eight thousand of Hawke's contacts.

"I hate you," he says. 

"You love me."

"I'm seriously about to bleed out." (Varric.) 

Hawke finally lets him go, turning to Varric. "All right, all right, go to the bathroom and I'll be right there." He does so, grumbling, and she turns back to Fenris, pressing a real kiss to his other cheek. "Thanks for coming through, babe."

"I'm dead serious," he says, allowing the second kiss and meeting her eyes when she pulls away. "No more comedic suicide attempts. If your last words are on Vine, I'm not speaking at your funeral."

Her eyes crinkle sweetly when she smiles. "Duly noted." 

No matter how hard he tries, though, he's never able to wash the demon remains out of his pants.

**Author's Note:**

> almost all my dragon age knowledge is secondhand and this was FUN


End file.
